Gorgeous one

I’m an ex-left brain teacher who was totally disconnected from her right brain highly sensitive, empath, spiritual self … who gets really angry when women don’t own their spiritual gifts and abilities in their life and business because they’ve been told by other people that it’s all in their head / they’re too sensitive / they’re making it all up.

Why share this?

Because it’s literally THE reason I was disconnected from my true Self. 

• Didn’t own my spiritual gifts? Tick!

• Didn’t integrate my gifts and abilities into my life or biz (before HJB that is)? Tick!

• Told by other people I was too sensitive? Tick!

• Told I was making up what I sensed / felt / knew energetically about the unseen realm? Tick!

• Believed what everyone said about me and my ‘weirdness’? Tick, tick, tick!!

No wonder I was so exhausted. #sigh

At the time I had no connection to my true Self, no understanding of what it was I needed, and no idea of how to undo the mess I found myself in.

Why had I gone on for so long, feeling so untethered, so disconnected from my Self?

It was a question I pondered for years until I stumbled across the answer.

“It doesn’t matter why you kept going for so long Helen. What matters is that you now know – so what are you going to do about it?”

Great answer Universe! Thanks for the ‘job’ you just thrust in my hands …

And what a job it was! At times I was the most diligent of workers, putting in the hours and working overtime to ‘find’ my Self. At other times I was hopeless, floundering, with no idea what I was doing; there was no guide or map that helped make the journey easier. (If I was a ‘real’ employee I would have sacked me on days like that!)

This was when I thought other people knew much more about this spiritual stuff than I did, so I became a healer hunter.

What’s a healer hunter, you ask?

“Someone who moves from healer to healer; learning to learning; spiritual teacher to spiritual teacher, hoping to find the secret to staying afloat.”

{This is my own definition – I made it up – but I think it describes a lot of people, me included at the time.}

When I was a healer hunter I

• Read (nearly) every esoteric, spiritual and self help book I could get my hands on

• Attended workshops and retreats to ‘learn’ ‘new’ skills

• Studied methods and processes that worked for others but didn’t feel 100% right to me (like undies that fit well enough but are actually way too tight!)

• Wished I could be like Teacher X or Guru A because from where I stood they fit the mould I wanted to be in

• Listened to intuitive advice I actively sought out or was gifted to me by others, and attempted to fit myself into the mould they created for me (you know how well that went don’t you?)

At the same time I was ‘fighting’ inner demons which said “Helen if you really take this path your friends / family / community will banish you. Excommunicate you. Remember you forever as the crazy outcast you are”.

What a mess!

Every part of my being at this time reinforced what I now know to be true – that I didn’t trust my Self at all. 

But I struggled on, often in silence (and much crying in the shower), eventually arriving at the realisation that to find my true Self I had to 

1. Drop the healer hunting and stop believing in what my inner demons said (more often than not what they said was a pack of lies anyway)
2. Invite the vibration of my middle name (Joy) into all aspects of my life, even when joy was the farthest emotion I was feeling at the time
3. Gift myself permission to stop faffing about; to dive deeply, fully, allowing what I knew to be true about myself to emerge from the deep
4. Stop believing that the stories I told myself and the experiences I’d been through were too heavy for me to release or let go of (tip: they weren’t; it was my beliefs about them that were hard to drop)

This was the cycle that sustained me, that I came back to day after day, year after year – even though it’s only now, as I stand on the other side of that deep transformation and awakening, that I can actively state that this was the process I used.

Visually it looks like this.

The cycle is ongoing, and is one I still use to this day; supporting me to arrive back home to myself, grounded in my truth as I continue on my Inner Room journey, with a deep connection with my Spirit team.

I will be forever grateful for this cycle, in the same way that I’m grateful that the Sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, making way for the Moon rise to occur and eventually set, allowing the beautiful cycle and synergy that sustains life on our planet to continue.

I’d like to leave you with two questions at this stage, if that’s OK?

Which part of the cycle are you in? 

What can you do while you’re here, to support you to energetically declutter Your Inner Room and step closer to your Self?

If connecting with Self is one element of Your Inner Room journey, what’s the other one? We’ll be diving deeply with that next time.

Are you ready for it?

With deep love to you on your journey,

Helen xx

What is it you need right now?

Explore our journey together // settle in with the podcast here.